Reflections on the Easter Bunny

I am here to tell the world that the Easter Bunny is in fact, very real. I personally think that he is an alien from another planet. And, this company called “Paas” that makes the dye for hard boiled eggs is a front that the “Easter Bunny” has been using for decades to make money to sponsor other “Easter Bunny” aliens to make the starship journey from the “Easter Bunny” planet to our planet.

How do I know this? I know first-hand, because at the age of four, I was commissioned to be one of Easter Bunny’s helpers. At first, my mom and dad thought it would be cute for me to dress up in the Easter Bunny outfit when my grandparents came to visit on Easter Sunday. Well, that’s how it started. Sure, it started out cute and fun and bubbly, but I am here to tell you that this “Easter Bunny” character is a slave driver.

He works out of a starship, which in the Easter of 1958 (when I was four years old) was hidden away in the forest of a small town in northern New Jersey. This is the original “Easter Bunny” starship. There have been other starships sent down from the “Easter Bunny” planet since then. It is believed that this original “Easter Bunny” starship is presently being stored in Area 51.

It is believed by many of the people, who have investigated this “Easter Bunny” conspiracy, that since 1958 many aliens from the “Easter Bunny” planet have invaded Planet Earth.  Most of them have studied dentistry and have filed into main stream society as dentists. Hence, the reason that this “Easter Bunny” character makes the big push for Easter candy. And, those cute little marshmallow “Peeps,” let me tell you, they’ll rot a child’s teeth faster than Superman and Flash combined can run a cross country trail.

At this point in time, there are rumors that someone has pictures of the original “Easter Bunny” starship. However, it’s been reported that they are holding out to the National Enquirer for a half-mil, for sole publishing rights.

Basically, the best thing to do is to be cool about the whole thing. So far no one has been hurt yet. It is reported though, that the famous writer and radio broadcast genius, Jean Shepherd, also worked as an “Easter Bunny” helper in his early childhood. He was very careful not to give too much away when he included hints about the “Easter Bunny” helper syndrome in his famous movie, “A Christmas Story.”

I hope I haven’t shook up any of you too much. We have to get the word out about this conspiracy theory behind the “Easter Bunny.”

Love, peace, and harmony, Richard

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This entry was posted in Easter, Easter Bunny, Jean Shepherd, Small Town America, Wisdom. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Reflections on the Easter Bunny

  1. David Soltanoff says:

    Rich,
    This reminds me of my family’s history. My father’s parents opened a candy store in Montclair, N.J. in 1927. My father became a dentist, first in Bloomfield, N.J. and later in Montclair. This looks like a plan but actually wasn’t since my father’s first career choice was to be an MD.

    David Soltanoff

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